I was talking o my cousin tonight. She's one of the coolest chicks on the face of the earth. We're both obsessed with music. Whether it be making it or obtaining it or philosophising about it or whatever. Her husband is quite an accomplished guitarist playing with the likes of Mitch Ryder and Wayne Kramer to name a few.

As we were talking I mentioned how I love playing but I hate performing. I hate playing shows. I hate being on stage for a gig. It's just not fun for me. She said something like "It's because you're a musician instead of a rock star. To you music is more about art than it is about ego."

Never thought of it like that before but it makes a lot of sense.

This will likely just be ramblings and ventings and explanations. Sometimes I get jealous and I can't sleep. Sometimes I feel proud.

Unimportant things like noise drive me crazy. I don't like noise unless I'm the one making it. When I make it, I want to celebrate it and make more of it. I want people to know how great it is. It's a double standard and double standards aren't fair and I like to be fair. So I sit around without making any sounds because sometimes not being disturbed is more important to me than being heard.

It's hard for me to write songs because I don't know what to sing about, but it's easy to write music because all I do is play something. It doesn't have to be about anything. It's just sounds. I like to sing about important things, but things that are important to me are usually not important to anybody else.

I would have been an awful protest singer.