"The Silly Things I Didn't Do Today"
:: l y r i c s ::
There are silly things I didn't do today.
Not once. Never. Nope. Not even. No way.

Today I didn't (not even for luck)
Try to brush my teeth with a big yellow duck.
I never asked a fish to fly my kite
or wore inch worms to increase my height.
Not once did I try to play the flute
as I bungie-jumped down the laundry chute.
Or dress myself as a very old man
and hang from a tree like an orangutan.

I didn't surf on a big arrow - or try on a steel sombrero
or live in a wheelbarrow - or ride a bucking sparrow.
These are silly things I didn't do today.
Not once. Never. Nope. Not even. No way.

I didn't ride my bike on a telephone wire
while juggling a tree and a red rubber tire.
I never went to a canyon to hear an echo
and ended up battling a superhero gecko.
I didn't scoop up a mountain with a small teaspoon
then throw it so high that it bounced off the moon.
Nor did I eat a giant hockey stick
removing splinters with a gold toothpick.

I didn't ride a spider - or make the river wider
or lasso a glider - or invent spinach cider.
These are silly things I didn't do today.
Not once. Never. Nope. Not even. No way.

I didn't go to the movies dressed like Jimminy Cricket
just to get half price on a matinee ticket.
I never took my red wagon out to the prairie
so I could read poems to a six foot canary.
Not once did I slow dance with a zebra
who couldn't make decisions 'cause he was a libra.
I never ate lunch at the edge of a crater
then left without giving a tip to my waiter.

I didn't powder my toes - or paint my nose
or freeze my clothes - or grow a polka-dot rose.
These are silly things I didn't do today.
Not once. Never. Nope. Not even. No way.

I didn't put a bathing suit on a frog
and pose him like a model in a catalogue.
Not once did I slide across an icy lake
jiggling a cow for a cold milkshake.

Never did I try to be a movie director
by saying "Action!" in front of a projector.
I didn't sing opera while I was biking
wearing horns on my head like a Minnesota Viking.

I never kissed a goose - or played cards with a moose
or washed my face with juice - or slept in a caboose.

These are silly things I didn't do today.
Not once. Never. Nope. Not even. No way.
But I would love to know (oh, please, please say!)
What silly things didn't you do today?