Breath

[Joanna]

My latest song, Breath scrolled off the front page fairly quickly, so I thought I'd give it some shameless promotion.

The subject matter is a little difficult, so be forewarned if it's too close or difficult to hear. It's about those last few moments before death when life "flashes" before one's eyes. It is a very simple song, in its production. Just a few notes on the guitar (yes, I dragged out my guitar again), and a very subdued vocal.

Thanks in advance for listening!

-- Joanna

[Boris]

My latest song, Breath scrolled off the front page fairly quickly, so I thought I'd give it some shameless promotion.

The subject matter is a little difficult, so be forewarned if it's too close or difficult to hear. It's about those last few moments before death when life "flashes" before one's eyes. It is a very simple song, in its production. Just a few notes on the guitar (yes, I dragged out my guitar again), and a very subdued vocal.

Thanks in advance for listening!

-- Joanna

yeah, this is that song i mentioned in another thread. but why label this "shameless promotion?" nothing for to be shamed about here, for goodness sakes!

i thought this was lovely. it was a quite haunting in the story being told. maybe a little disturbing, too. no offense, but the picture for the song gave me the creeps.

vocally, the song wants to be peaceful, but right from the start the mood hangs like a curtain in a tower window. out of reach, out of touch, but highly visible.

to quote Maggie, "deceptively simple" in its arrangement (E & B strings?). the song is begging for a chorus to be sung... a chord change to release some of the tension of those two strings. i'm not saying you should or anything, but imagine a change to a full A chord and your voice just raising out a kind of "ahhhhhhhhhhhh" only to return. woah.

as it stands, the potency of the song lies between the steady, simplistic progression with moves like a heartbeat, and the uninvolved voice of the storyteller, who (carelessly?) presents us a tale with feelings left out of reach, out of touch, but highly visible.

am i making any sense? ugh... nice piece, joanna. very nice piece. thx!

[Joanna]

Thank you, Boris.

Sorry for the creepy picture. I didn't spend much time drawing it, because I'd already goofed off enough writing the song. My primary goal was to show someone very, very old, so the listener would know this was a long-lived woman, not someone young and vibrant.

The strings were, um, the last two strings. The skinny ones. The 2nd to last was open and the last string was open, 2nd fret, 3rd fret. I realize this is very technical jargon, and only music masters can interpet it, but, er... Man, does this prove I know next to nothing about guitar or what?

I played around with a break for the chorus, a change in the pattern, even volume shifts, but in the end, this was the version that felt like it did what I wanted it to do. So I left it as just those few notes, never changing. They sounded like a heartbeat to me, too, which is where the song came from. I started playing those notes and became mesmerized, thinking they sounded like a heartbeat or a ticking clock.

I decided that I wanted the lyrics to do all the work, so I kept the guitar steady and limited, sang at the edge of a whisper, and hoped that the words alone would take you on a voyage through this woman's last minutes, as she reviewed her life.

So many people say things like, "I never listen to lyrics" or "I rarely pay attention to what the singer is saying" that I thought this was a perfect opportunity to test that. If you don't listen to the lyrics, there's not much to get out of the song. But if you do, you should hear all sorts of things in the words and beyond. What's interesting is that almost every comment on Macjams includes at least something about the lyrics. That's never happened before. So to my mind, the experiment worked.

-- Joanna

[rcandrews]

Daddy's gone to war
Mommy hides her tears
Daddy's home but not the same
Closets full of fear

well im all about lyrics ( i like to think so anyway ) and those are money

is as the rest of them. that line just stuck out as did

Hears the nurse's shoes
She takes another breath
Nothing left to lose

very nice joanna

[Boris]

i think in my own musical ear, i have developed an aversion to lyrics in most music nowadays, especially popular music. even cleverly crafted songs don't seem to have much punch in the bigger scheme. electronic, jazz, and classical offer music i don't have to think too much about, cuz lord knows, i don't like to think too much.

two songs, however, still get me everytime i hear them. somehow they work right through the waxy buildup of my listening ear and get right into the message center of the brain: Terry Jack's Seasons in the Sun and Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle.

these two songs are lyrical masterworks, in my opinion. while there are many, many well written songs, there's not many that can actually choke me up or draw out emotion the way these songs can.

and maybe your song does not hit that exact spot for my ear, i definitely would put the song in the same company as the others. the difference, i think, between your song and theirs, is that chorus. the other two songs offer the listener a chance to sing along and chime in with the feelings they are presenting. with your song, the listener has to do just that - listen. which, of course, is just fine... it's a great listen. but, again, i think to transcend that larger connection (like those songs), the song would have to bring in the air of the listener to an inclusive level.

okay, now i know i'm not making any sense... "bring in the air of the listener to an inclusive level?" did i just say that? ugh! i'll go quiet now.

(anyways, dude, i wicked liked your song. it was totally rockin' tunage!)

[toots]

I really like Breath a lot , Joanna, but I've been laying back a bit these days in commenting about stuff, figuring my own preoccupation with the aging process and its inevitable consequence has been nothing but a bummer these days. I really thank you for posting this song though, because it's something that touches me deeply, and also for the way you've made it being so simple and straightforward, that it's definitely something I could learn from. With the ease of adding stuff on the computer, I just forget about keeping it simple like this.
Some sort of turnaround for a chorus could be interesting, but since you tried and didn't seem right, I really respect you sticking with it the way it was, pretty barebones and all.

[Joanna]

Robert, I thank you most sincerely. I had to use an economy of words in this one, and I was hoping it would still be understandable.

Boris, if I get some time down the road, I'll think about giving a chorus another stab. Right now, I just can't afford to goof off. Now that we're about to hit August, my deadline is looming a bit larger. Ah, the carefree days of July...

Toots, I understand your mood all too well, and I'm humbled that it was able to reach you.

Sometimes 'simple' is what a song cries out to be, and no matter what else you do, it just doesn't sound right. That happened to me with this one and eventually, I listened.

-- Joanna

[Boris]

Boris, if I get some time down the road, I'll think about giving a chorus another stab.

just for the record, i think the piece is wonderful as it is. there's no need to go back into it ever. just offering a different perspective as always.