Children's song

[Joanna]

I got my work done, so I celebrated by writing a children's song.

The Ballad of Billy and Lily

Let me know if your kids (or your child within) like it!

-- Joanna

[davajonah]

Hi Joanna - I'm in the right place to test out your song - my school! Will let you know later what the children think - [almost] instant feedback!
DJ

[Joanna]

Woo hoo! Now I'm nervous. I hope they don't hate it.

[Boris]

joanna, what a fun song! river rat billy is great! a great name! each verse has a very nice breath of imagery to carry a child along - this could easily have a video companion to it, tho it obviously works fine by itself. most kids, i think, would love this tune, but probably have to hear it a couple of times to really get it.

musically, i find the simplicity refreshing. your other songs, especially Aliens are Dancing on the Milky Way have a lot more romp, while this song chose to ride a little slower in the folksy car. i dig folksy! the tempo sets the mood, but also will let a child absorb it easier.

a couple of this to note, from my ear. the shaker sound is a little on the loud side. it works fine, but with the quieter music, it really stands out. especially when both your vocal and the guitar - stop. the shaker keeps going. my ear wanted it to stop to... just a thought.

something to explore, possibly: sound effects. kids dig sound effects. whether purchased effects, or made yourself with your mouth. raffi (sorry, but he's the master), can whip out an effect in his song so subtly that you don't even know he just did it. and what i'm thinking is this. i hope this makes sense.

gulls in flocks - light gull sounds or wings flapping
loopy lil - a whoop sound
they both liked ships - steam horn
out to the deep blue sea - waves
when the wind blew - wind blowing
raft did sink - bubbles

again, just thinking.

i love the "doodley doo" bit. it's catchy and peaceful... very summery!

this last comment has to do with the last two verses of the song, and please forgive if this is too bold: you don't need em.

after you do the mouth "pops" (which i just love!!!), the song is over. the story has been told. "But no one really knows, I'm told." end of story.

ugh, this is a long reply. sorry. anyhow, the last verse (which you repeat), doesn't really need to be there. it takes a little bit from those delightful "pops" and gives us a first person perspective all of a sudden. the song and the music and the mood tell us what happened to these two people very clearly. i guess i just don't think it's necessary to fill in that blank space. i like "not" knowing.

it's kinda like as if in the last lines of Puff the Magic Dragon they had added a verse that told us that jackie paper grew up and became a homeowner.

for me, i like not knowing. i like thinking there was danger involved, or the chance that their on some remote island of gold... it's an open canvas for the imagination to paint out.

okay. those are my 44 cents. whew. i hope this was helpful. fun, lovely tune, joanna!

[toots]

boy, Boris really covered it! I think the shaker should stop when the guitar stops too. It sort of sticks out because the space between is sort of irregular and the shaker makes it sound awkward because the guitar keeps coming back in on a different beat of the shaker. I think. The space after the verses is sometimes 6 beats sometimes 7 beats, and then after the doodleys it's 8 beats. I don't think the spaces should be the same, it's just that the shaker should stop and start back in when the guitar does.

Other than that, I think it's a fine song. I've yet to play it for my 7-year old Maurice, but I imagine he would like it, though he's really more of a Beatles/Bob Dylan fan. I could see a book going along with this.

[Joanna]

Boris -- brilliant! I'm working on it now. I've got 100's of sound effects on CD from my days as a VO actress. This is gonna be fun!

Oh, shaker in the space is gone, no worries.

So is the last verse.

-- Joanna

[Joanna]

Okay, got the new version uploaded. Found some sfx, had to make others myself (I'm the laughter, wind, and bubbles). Thanks so much, Boris!

[Boris]

Wow! WOW!! Despite just some minor changes, it's like a whole new song! seriously! very, very pleasant... i love the loopy lily laugh!

i'm just so happy my ramblings were helpful at all! hehe

excellent job on this one.

(i should note that i'm walking around going "doodley doo, doo... doodley doodley doo... doodley doodley doodley doodley doo!"... you got me!)

[Joanna]

I think it's much better now -- thank you so much, Boris! You're right, just a few changes did make all the difference. Woo hoo!

-- Joanna

[davajonah]

Woo hoo! Now I'm nervous. I hope they don't hate it.

Wow! Just read through the thread!
Here are the results from the field test:
12 out of 22 children in my class gave it 10 out of 10.
6 gave it 1, with the rest in between!

So I think it was pretty popular! And these are streetwise 10 year olds too. I imagine if this were tried on children a tad younger - the results would have been better.
Anyway - I shall keep on playing it - cus I think it's terrific! The sound effects would be excellent - and very child friendly too, and maybe yes - just a wee bit too long.
A very good tune however, and a 'hit' with my class - you've done it again Joanna, another gem.
Davy J - still at work.

[toots]

doodley-doo doo doo... pop-pop!

[Fosco]

Delightful, fun, made me smile
You made me laugh when it came to the sing a long part...
I'm here in me classroom, no students yet, sooooooo, I doo doo dooley doo doooooooooooooo along...

Nice popin sound, kidz love that stuff... me too

From a teacherzzz point of view.... The Children's market iz wide open in reading n music... The right marketing... skies the limit!
Vocabulary is most important in strengthening readers as you already know from yer line of work.... I'm not too sure where that comez into play in children's music.... Soooooo, if you ever go the route of more children genre - I think I would avoid the higher end vocab words like "decreed."

Just me .02 worth and I could be way off, probably dependz on the philosophy of the company that would promote yer music....

[Guest]

I like the song overall, I think that the overall
production quality was its stongest point. The
wind sounds were cool, and the vocal pickup that
you got with your Shure SM 58 (I have a Shure PG
58), is really impressive. Those are rugged mics
aren't they, and for a great price.

The aspect of the song I didn't like is that it has a dark
ending, and perhaps morbid feel. It left me feeling sad
inside. I was sad with the thought of not knowing what
happened to Billy and Lily, with one "l" (I also think that
Lily should have 2 "l" 's it just looks better). Maybe in the
end they could sail away happily instead of sinking to the
bottom of the ocean or finding gold.

The children that I had listen to this almost looked like
they were going to start crying when the song was over.
They were very well entertained however, so I credit you in that
area.

Keep up the Good Work all around though.

Sincerely,
Johnathan J. Stegeman
MidiMacMan.

[rcandrews]

didn't get to hear the first one n i don't have any kids (im NOT complainin')

i think its cool kids tunage. i sent the link to my nieces n nephews so their kids can here it i'll let ya kno should they reply back

[Joanna]

Thank you, Robert! And thanks for sending it along to the kiddies.

-- Joanna